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wow

today my mental construct subjected me to incredible bitterness. i contemplated not showing up to work, googling a gun shop, selecting a hunting rifle and the smallest amount of jhp ammo i could buy (only really need one), disappearing somewhere, some woods, somewhere. perhaps it was the coffee wearing off, or perhaps it was the blinding headache that left the world in shades of red and blue, or the leg pain, or my teeth rotting, or something else equally stupid. the bitterness, it gets colder and colder, even the notion of being attracted to someone fills me with endless self-contempt. oh well. tomorrow i will get the fuck back to work. if i feel my control slipping, i will banish myself and run on automatic. let it slip out a bit today... this should not be allowed to happen.

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Zikk Maabus Invictus
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